I figured it was about time I wrote a post from my heart and also some updates about things going on in my life.I have been trying to do this for a couple of weeks but seemed to keep gettin sidetracked.
The truth is I have been having a rough couple of weeks!
First,my husband and twins have been sick for a couple of weeks now so I have had to take care of them, and it has just wore me down.I also haven't been able to spend any time with my daughter Belle and I just miss her to pieces!Lastly,my sonJason, had a court date this past Friday.It seems that our lawyer never has much new info.to tell him or I and I do wonder why it is that we paid her again?!?The good thing is that I got to see him, even though it was for like a few seconds and even though it was across the courtroom it was great to see him!I haven't seen him in 13 months!It was short and sweet and we have another courtdate in about 2 weeks.Hopefully, it will be the last one as she seems to think we should have an offer or deal at that time!There's that DeaL word again.I guess thats just how it is said.
I think this whole situation with my son has taken a huge toll on me and probably years off of my life!It has by far been one of the most painful things I have ever been through and I have been through a few!It shadows all of my thoughts always and I feel like I can never be truly happy!
I think my biggest fear is not knowing what kind of future he will have and what kind of life he will be able to lead.From what his lawyer says he will be charged with a 1st degree felony and that will NeVeR go away.
Because of all of this, I did reknew my relationship with Jesus and have grown closer to God ,more than I have ever been in my life!(something good for sure)I just know if I hadn't done that, I would have had a nervous breakdown for sure.
I know he has a perfect plan for my son and can create something wonderful out of his mistakes!I also know that fear and faith can't work together so I have to choose One and I do choose to have FaiTh.It is just so hard at times, but I have to stand firm!It just hurts so much sometimes I feel like I cannot breathe!That I cannot talk to anyone about it either!It's like a terrible secret that nobody talks about or acknowleges.
Then to top all of that off my husband and I have grown so very,very far apart!! I am not even sure where to start bringing things closer or sometimes if I really want to.I just know that for the love of our twins and marriage(which God ordained) that I have to try and I really want to most times! I know how painful it is to break up a home and go through divorce and I don't want to put the twinkies throught that.Plus,I also retired from my job so I am unemployed,at this time!LOL Sorry, I just crack myself up, sometimes!
Seriously,I know this has gone on longer than usual but I just had to get this out.
I also wanted to write a little about my running since I haven't been doing that either.I have still been running like a crazy woman!! I just love it!!Didn't want you all to think I had fallen Off the waGon!! My goal is still to win a 5k within a year,so probably next fall or so.I have decided it is time to start running in some races and fun runs just for that reason ,to have FuN!!!Plus it has finally cooled down a little here and being outside is getting to be very enjoyable!
I still do about half of my training on the treadmill(at the gym) and the rest outside with my twinkies!!I promise to post some pictures soon!!
Okay,all joking aside,just know that no matter what your going through that you are NeVer Alone!! God is always with You!He will never leave YoU or Forsake You!!Hebrews13:5
I remind myself of this constantly and it helps me tremendously!
Love you All~Thanks for reading and sharing in my Life!
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