I figured it was about time I wrote a post from my heart and also some updates about things going on in my life.I have been trying to do this for a couple of weeks but seemed to keep gettin sidetracked.
The truth is I have been having a rough couple of weeks!
First,my husband and twins have been sick for a couple of weeks now so I have had to take care of them, and it has just wore me down.I also haven't been able to spend any time with my daughter Belle and I just miss her to pieces!Lastly,my sonJason, had a court date this past Friday.It seems that our lawyer never has much new info.to tell him or I and I do wonder why it is that we paid her again?!?The good thing is that I got to see him, even though it was for like a few seconds and even though it was across the courtroom it was great to see him!I haven't seen him in 13 months!It was short and sweet and we have another courtdate in about 2 weeks.Hopefully, it will be the last one as she seems to think we should have an offer or deal at that time!There's that DeaL word again.I guess thats just how it is said.
I think this whole situation with my son has taken a huge toll on me and probably years off of my life!It has by far been one of the most painful things I have ever been through and I have been through a few!It shadows all of my thoughts always and I feel like I can never be truly happy!
I think my biggest fear is not knowing what kind of future he will have and what kind of life he will be able to lead.From what his lawyer says he will be charged with a 1st degree felony and that will NeVeR go away.
Because of all of this, I did reknew my relationship with Jesus and have grown closer to God ,more than I have ever been in my life!(something good for sure)I just know if I hadn't done that, I would have had a nervous breakdown for sure.
I know he has a perfect plan for my son and can create something wonderful out of his mistakes!I also know that fear and faith can't work together so I have to choose One and I do choose to have FaiTh.It is just so hard at times, but I have to stand firm!It just hurts so much sometimes I feel like I cannot breathe!That I cannot talk to anyone about it either!It's like a terrible secret that nobody talks about or acknowleges.
Then to top all of that off my husband and I have grown so very,very far apart!! I am not even sure where to start bringing things closer or sometimes if I really want to.I just know that for the love of our twins and marriage(which God ordained) that I have to try and I really want to most times! I know how painful it is to break up a home and go through divorce and I don't want to put the twinkies throught that.Plus,I also retired from my job so I am unemployed,at this time!LOL Sorry, I just crack myself up, sometimes!
Seriously,I know this has gone on longer than usual but I just had to get this out.
I also wanted to write a little about my running since I haven't been doing that either.I have still been running like a crazy woman!! I just love it!!Didn't want you all to think I had fallen Off the waGon!! My goal is still to win a 5k within a year,so probably next fall or so.I have decided it is time to start running in some races and fun runs just for that reason ,to have FuN!!!Plus it has finally cooled down a little here and being outside is getting to be very enjoyable!
I still do about half of my training on the treadmill(at the gym) and the rest outside with my twinkies!!I promise to post some pictures soon!!
Okay,all joking aside,just know that no matter what your going through that you are NeVer Alone!! God is always with You!He will never leave YoU or Forsake You!!Hebrews13:5
I remind myself of this constantly and it helps me tremendously!
Love you All~Thanks for reading and sharing in my Life!
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24 comments:
Hi Olga. I am so sorry about your son. I can't imagine how you must feel as his Mom. I can say though without a doubt that God can make his life brand new -- even with a felony on his record. God has a way of working around stuff like that. It definitely doesn't have to be a death sentence.
Now for your marriage. I pray you and your husband will be able to reconnect and spend some time together. Your babies need you both. I've been through times in our marriage when we seemed to be on opposite sides of the world. I know how it feels. God alone saved our marriage and made it what it is today.
Bless you Olga. He hears your prayers and knows your pain.
Love,
Beth
I'm glad you found and are growing in relationship to Jesus. He is your rock and firm foundation in times of trouble. And you are right to know that the Lord will take all the mistakes of your son and work them out for his good and His glory.
Is your husband a believer in Christ? If so, maybe you can study and pray together. If not, then you can study and pray through being the helpmate the Lord has called you to be...to love your husband in and through Christ.
olga - here's wishing you peace and love through everything! big hugs :)
Olga, I am so sorry everyone has been sick, that is so draining when you have to care for all of them. Your momma's heart must ache about your son's situation. So glad you got to see him, if only across a courtroom. Blessings.
Hello Olga, I found you at Menonewmom's blog. Wow, what an introduction to you! I am a Christian and I am praying for you at this moment. I know others that are experiencing similar things, and it is so difficult to watch and feel helpless.
Hang in there. Keep running.
I started semi-seriously running a almost a year ago at the age of 50. I'm now 51 and I still run about three times a week - only about three or four miles though. I had kids late, so my life still revolves around young kids. Maybe I'll be able to increase the running some day.
God Bless You.
I'm sorry things are difficult right now; I know it's hard to remember when you're in the midst of it, but it will pass. Things will get better, and keeping your faith will help you through it.
Olga, I am so sorry to hear of the struggles you are going through right now!! Just know this!! God loves you more than you could possibly imagine and He is at work on your behalf!! Let Him love you and meet all of your needs! He is really the only One who is any good at it anyways!! I will be lifting you up in prayer!
Christy
I'm sorry you are going through all these things at once. I'm glad you have your faith to sustain you in times like this. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Oh it hurts my heart to know that you are in the middle of such a storm. Cling to that knowledge you have that God will hold you through it all. He has a plan and a purpose, for you, for your marriage, and for your son, and as long as you keep your eyes and focus on Him, He will see you through it all, however tough it may be. I'm praying for you sister!
Oh what a feeling you must have in your heart! God still can feel the pain that you are going through! HE still is on the throne and loves you so much!
Thanks for coming over to blog today - I'm praying for you, your son, and your relationship your hubby! May the Lord be Glorified!
Lana @ ilovemy5kids
I am sorry you have had to much going on, weighing down your spirit. Thinking of you!
I am so sorry to hear about your son. The biggest thing to remember is, what he has done on the past does NOT define his future. He can choose to to react to what is handed him. Just as YOU can choose how to deal with the chips.
The Lord has a purpose in everything. Give it all to him and you can be at peace.
God bless you.
P.S. Good job on the running, keep it up!
My goodness Olga... it's no wonder you are feeling like you need to "talk"/write. There is so much going on and so much burdening your soul down. It's so good that you are remaining faithful and seemingly in good spirits. It's always good to think that God has plans somewhere in the midst of things... it helps to get through each day to know there is an answer somewhere...
Many blessings to your family,
Debi
praying for you! God uses seasons of our lives to trust Him and He knows it will be alright!
So sorry about your son. That would certainly weigh a mother down but so glad to hear you have put your trust in Jesus and are now working on your relationship with God. That is indeed a great thing.
To help out your marriage, I suggest you get the book, "Love Dare" and actually do the dares. I got it from the library just to help strengthen our marriage and out of curiosity to see what the dares were. You can look it up on Amazon. The movie, "Fireproof" is about a couple whose marriage is on the rocks and who reconcile with the help of this book. It is based on scriptural principles and it might help you.
Visiting from SITS.
I'm so sorry, what a time you're having. It must be so difficult for you, with your son facing an uncertain future, but you know, even though he will have a record, it won't necessarily affect his life as I've seen people blossom through such adversity. I'm also sorry to hear about everyone being sick, that is awful. I've been there with twins, my other little girl and my husband and it is an awful, tiring thing to endure as you need to keep being mummy, right? I hope they all get better soon and I'm sending you as much good karma as I can muster! xx
Thank you for stopping by my blog last week. I'm way behind on commenting. What an honest post you have here. Hang in there and keep your faith.
I'm a runner too... and I'm 8+ months pregnant, so it's been a while since I've strapped on my running shoes. I'm literally counting down the months till I can get back on the treadmill. (I can't handle walking... too slow and frustrating. I ran until I was about 3 months along).
I am so sorry everyone has been sick, that is so draining when you have to care for all of them. Your momma's heart must ache about your son's situation. Work from home India
Hi Olga, I'm new to your blog so I don't know the whole story but I am praying for you. You are right. God does have a perfect plan for all of you. He loves you and he will not leave your nor forsake you. I've been studying faith alot lately and have come to realize that true believing means taking each step that you know he wants you to take while you're waiting on an answer to the steps that you are unsure of. Keep putting each faithful foot in front of the other.
I'm so sorry you are going through some tough times. Thanks for being honest, and sharing.
I will be praying... for the situation with your son... Goodness! I can't imagine what you are going through as a Mommy!
Hugs to you, sweet-new-friend!
Traci
I'm sorry that you are going through this horrible situation. I can not pretend to know what it feels like to have your child in prison.
I can tell you that my brother was in jail and it took a huge toll on me, but it wrecked my mother. He is now out and he has a felony on his record, but somehow he has managed to make a better life for himself.
I wish you peace and strength. Take care of you.
Ill be praying for you and your family
I really hope everything works out for you. I know sometimes it's hard to see what God has planned! Just know you will be in my prayers!
Just touched base with your posting....My heart goes out to you as a mother but also as a court employee. I work in the court system as a clerk...and the pain is so real for so many families - you are not alone! Remember you are still a mother (his mother) nobobdy can take that away...the relationship will be different -we are all responsible for our own actions. Stay strong...
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